Let's get real

Today is Monday.  I had work today and I went in around 9:30am.  I stopped by Starbucks as usual and although my neighbor was working there this morning, another barista remembered me and knew my order.  If I haven't mentioned this yet, the Starbucks on National Boulevard in Los Angeles, CA is AMAZING!  My favorite Starbucks ever.  Not just because they remember, but they remember me because I go in everyday because they are so quick.  They take your order and your order is ready within a couple minutes, except for the one day they were training a new barista.  So I went to work and worked.  Another fantastic eight hours spent doing something I love to do. (that was sarcasm, if you didn't realize it)


Throughout the day, my mind wandered quite a bit.  On Saturday, I invited my friends to come over, including "the girl" that I been thinking about quite a lot lately.  She was out with someone else earlier in the day and he came over too for a little bit.  Of course, I was absolutely happy to see her but I was also jealous to see him.  I have nothing against the guy but you know how jealousy works.  No rhyme or reason, it just rears its ugly head.  So as the night went on, the guy left and I started to get dinner ready and the night progressed.  Unfortunately, it didn't progress the way I would have liked.  I don't think I was very approachable, if that's the correct word for this situation, throughout the night.  I stuck and contented myself with cooking and making sure everybody was fed, drinking, and happy.  I wanted to talk to this girl but things didn't pan out the way I was hoping they would.  I probably didn't make a good enough effort, if any at all.  I waited too much.  I always wait too much.  


As the night continued, we barely talked and this did not sit with me well.  I got the feeling that whatever we may have had, if there was anything at all, she was over it and moved on.  Unfortunately, I haven't.  I have a tendency to be able to move past someone, I think, fairly easily however this girl is something special.  So special that I can't seem to get her out of my mind throughout the day.  The last time I felt this way was with my last girlfriend.  So...

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This is a side note that I want to mention quickly before I forget.  I just made a little realization about why I am the way I am, at least why I'm as shy, quiet, calm, etc as I am.  I just took my parents to the airport and as I was driving, my mom and I were chatting about something and my dad just sat quietly in the passenger seat.  That is so me.  A few years ago, when my grandmother on my dad's side passed away, during the service my aunts and uncles each stood up and said something.  My dad got up and said that he was always the quiet one in the family who was never much of a talker but always a better listener.  Again, that is so me.  I have always said that I am a great listener.  I always listen to people with great interest and I have always felt that I have been blessed with this ability to comprehend both sides of an argument.  I think this is why I have always been able to stay calm and understand people when others cannot.  I have my father to thank for this.


unpause


... going back to what I was saying.  So, I like this girl.  I refuse to stop trying because I don't want to look back and see "what could have been" if I had just tried a little harder.  Even though, I still do look back and I already see things that I should or shouldn't have done.  I may have already messed things up but, hopefully, that doesn't mean that I can't save or make up for things and still work on any potential that may be there.  I don't know if anything will ever happen more than friendship with this girl but if something does... =)




_andyjoe