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Throughout each day, there are moments when I reflect and I think about what has happened so far that day or I wonder about what the rest of the day may bring, or I wonder what could have been and what could be.  My life is full of these "what could have been" moments.  These moments range from things that involve my education, family, social life, friends, relationships, jobs, food, self, etc.  I read a quote today that said "I'd rather look back at my life and say, 'I can't believe I did that!' instead of saying, 'I wish I did that...'".  This quote hits home for me, in all aspects of my life.  It's because of this reasoning that there are thoughts in my head - but that's another story for another time.  


With my education, I wish I finished college and got my degree.  Actually even before college, I wish I did better in high school, especially my senior year.  Actually during my senior year, I wish I did a better job in ASB.  I was vice-president and then president and I will be the first to admit that I did a shitty job.  I put my responsibilities second to my girlfriend.  Bad move.  I know I still have time to go back to school and finish and get my degree but there are many logistical problems that need solutions first for this to happen.  I won't go into details but these can get solved, hopefully, fairly quickly if I am serious about going back to school.  And there's also the option of culinary school.  I know I've mentioned this many times already but it seriously is a legitimate option that I need to seriously consider.  


With my job, I have a good steady job.  I am making enough to pay rent and put some food on the table.  However, I am not happy.  The constant thoughts of quitting and doing something else also comes back to my mind time and time again.  I am a person that likes to be hands on.  I do not enjoy sitting a desk working on a computer throughout the day.  I need to be active.  This is why I work so many event shifts.  During these shifts I am "in the field", if you will.  I think this is another reason why I enjoy cooking.  With cooking, I am working with my hands, I am in charge, I am physically in control of the outcome of my work.  Every day will not be the same.  The work will not be same everyday.  It will be something new - something that will keep my mind working and processing.  Another reason I enjoy cooking is because I enjoy entertaining - being the host.  I enjoy making sure that other people are happy and are having a good time and I believe food helps people to have a good time.  When people enjoy my food and are a little bit happier because of it, it brightens my day and my mood.  To be able to bring some amount of joy to somebody's life is an indescribable feeling.  


With my family, I wish I was closer to every single one.  This can be changed.  I can be closer to each one.  I need to make the effort.  I will make the effort.  With my parents, I will visit them more often and chat a little more on the phone with them.  With my brother, I will call him every once in a while and try to go visit and do something with him.  With my cousins, I will try to contact them, see how they are doing, and continue to keep in touch so I know what's going on with them.  With my aunts and uncles, I will take them up on their offers to go visit and stay with them for a weekend.  I do love my family and I would honestly do anything for them.  We all have our own lives and staying in touch is always hard but it's always easier when a little effort is put in on both sides.


With my social life and friends, I will try to reconnect with friends I haven't spoken to in a long time and I will make more of an effort to stay in touch.  My friends that I am still close with, I still lose connections at times and that pisses me off.  I shouldn't do that with my friends.  I shouldn't do that with anyone.  My friends deserve better.  Everybody deserves better.  I guess this includes myself. 


With my relationships, I will be myself.  I will continue to go after what I want to go after.  I will not be afraid of rejection and if rejections happens, which I am sure it will happen more often than I will like, I will accept it and take it as a life lesson.  It will not deter me from trying to build friendships but it will teach me a little about myself.  Earlier I posted "Put yourself out there.  What's the worst that can happen?"  Rejection is the worst that can happen and that isn't bad.  It doesn't mean you are not good enough, it just means that you were not the right person for that person.  It doesn't mean a friendship can't develop but probably nothing more and that's still worth it. 


With myself, I will be true to myself.  I will follow whatever I want to do and I will respect that.  I am me.

Moving on...


_andyjoe